Remember that all our thoughts are material. You are unlikely to get better if you are not so good in a relationship. In addition, those same thoughts influence further behavior. You form an opinion about yourself solely through your thoughts, which have no basis in reality. Is what is based solely on your thoughts the truth? But no! This is a problem because millions of people give birth to thoughts in their heads, on which they then build a false reality (behavior, relationships, and so on).
You can continue to spend your life on these beliefs and tell yourself that you are not good enough for your partner and so on. But it won’t do any good for you, write a new script that works to your advantage. Filter your thoughts, because they, among other things, are material. Think positively, building a pyramid of your happy life piece by piece. Here is one of the exercises that we can recommend to you right now: write a list of your good qualities and keep it nearby, periodically reread it, especially in those moments when you are confused and disappointed in yourself.
5 Reasons Of Origin The Imposter Syndrom
Very often, insecure individuals who believe that they are not worthy of their partner, who are afraid that they can find a better replacement for them, develop the impostor syndrome. Imposter syndrome in relationships reddit: this is the so-called syndrome, when a person has a feeling of inferiority and that they are not worthy to be near their partner. According to the statistics from one scientific research, it is known that over 30% of Americans suffer from impostor syndrome. Why does this syndrome occur? We have prepared for you several reasons that are the basis for the occurrence of this syndrome:
1. Parents’ expectations
Psychotherapists have found similar parenting patterns in people with introverted intuitive imposter syndrome in relationships. As a rule, in childhood, they were praised and talked about their outstanding abilities. Having matured and found that they have to work to achieve their goals, these people begin to feel guilty, as if they cannot live up to the expectations of their relatives.
2. Low self-esteem
Low self-esteem is also one of the reasons why a person develops impostor syndrome in relationships. A person with this syndrome believes that they are not good enough and that they are not worthy of the attention of a partner. People with low self-esteem often set limits and barriers for themselves, but this is only in their thoughts.
3. Desire to be the best
Difficulties with self-esteem can gradually turn into a painful desire to always be a winner. Such a desire can develop due to special education, lack of love and praise, and the impossibility of accepting oneself with shortcomings. Often people with a desire to be the best do not live up to expectations regarding themselves, and then suffer from it.
4. Perfectionism
This is when people demand impeccability from themselves in all matters and set unrealistic goals and standards. They fail to achieve what they want, and then they begin to put pressure on themselves and are disappointed in life. Perfectionism also affects the development of impostor syndrome in relationships.
5. External depreciation
When at work you often encounter distrust and negativity, regardless of the result of the work, then over time you begin to doubt yourself. For example, a novice but promising specialist is appointed as a leader, while other managers do not accept them, envying their success. A person is constantly told that they are a bad worker. Since this is the first appointment and the newcomer is still doubting themselves, they may develop impostor syndrome even though they achieve their goals.
How to Overcome Imposter Syndrome In Relationships?
To overcome the impostor syndrome, you need to work on yourself. Don’t expect great results right away, it will take time. So, effective methods that will help you overcome the problem:
Talk about your feelings
Many “imposters” are afraid to share their experiences: it seems to them that if they say that they feel they are not so talented and competent, then people will think badly of them. But talking about the problem is useful: this way we feel that we are not alone, we find support and look at the situation from different angles. It is best to talk about the syndrome to a psychologist or a person who once experienced the same thing. The most important thing during the “attacks” of the syndrome is not to block emotions, but to live them.
Change the “settings” in your mind
“I’m not worth anything”, “It all happened by chance” – these and other thoughts, like a huge army of cockroaches, fill the head of the “imposters”. If getting insect pests out of the house is sometimes not an easy task, then curbing the negative stream of consciousness is definitely within your power.
So, set aside 30 minutes when you won’t be disturbed. Write down in a notebook all the negative thoughts and attitudes that arise in your head during bouts of the syndrome. After that, next to each statement, write another, positive one. For example: “I do not deserve praise” – “I am appreciated, respected and loved” or “I am a wonderful partner in a relationship”, “I deserve sincere love”, etc. Then, every time a negative attitude arises in the mind, mentally change it to the opposite.
Strive for the self-development
You can join the gym to improve your body. It’s good to find your hobby. For the unemployed, a great idea would be to look for at least a small income. When life becomes interesting to you, your partner will notice and appreciate it. Spend more time with your partner, you can do the first move to improve your relationships: go on dates, do smth together, go on a trip to another city. It will improve your relationships and, in addition, you will have less time to think about the fact that you are unworthy or not good enough for your beloved one.
Start looking for the virtues in yourself, forgetting about the shortcomings
Stop thinking that you are not good enough, first of all, learn to love yourself and admire yourself. Compliment yourself constantly and praise yourself every time for your successes. Stop constantly beating yourself up, looking for new flaws. Emphasize your strengths, do not dwell on the little things. Be confident in yourself and then you can conquer the whole world.
Learn to calm down
What can take you out of extreme panic about not being good enough for your partner? Start breathing deeply and slowly. If your partner once chose you, then this is no accident. You are no worse than others. You have traveled a common path with your companion and experienced both joyful and bitter moments. Don’t let the fear enemy take over. Give yourself the installation that you are worthy of love and respect, and if you do not feel this from your partner, think about the sincerity of their feelings for you. In that case, it’s not about you. Only you choose what you think and this will affect your mental health. So why back yourself into a corner?
Separate yourself as a person
If you are nervous when a partner does not write for a couple of hours (or maybe, even a whole day!) or postpones a meeting, unquestioningly follow their advice and conditions (where to go, what to wear), notice becoming more anxious than usual are all signs of the imposter syndrome in relationships symptoms typical thought patterns.
Each person in a couple is a separate person. Everyone can do what they want, go where they want, dress, and generally look like they like. Only manipulators put pressure on the opinion of a partner. Become a healthy egoist: take care of yourself, respect your boundaries, and find an interesting hobby. Get to know yourself to feel confident and self-sufficient then your partner will appreciate you more.
Talk about your fears with a partner
Trite, but it works. Think about the emotional safety in your relationships, try to explain to your soulmate that you love them and want everything to be fine in your couple. Tell about your fear and what worries you, and most likely you will hear words of support that were so lacking. A simple conversation solves more than months of mindless stupid and obsessive thoughts. Is there a better exercise in the world than a supportive partner who says “I love you”?
Building self-esteem
Most often, the cause of impostor syndrome lies in low self-esteem. Set a goal for the next month: to get better. What activity will raise self-esteem, and you will feel self-confidence? Start learning a new language, take a self-development course, and join a gym. Use affirmations: tell yourself every day that you are intelligent, handsome, self-confident, and worthy of the best.
Let’s Recap
There are moments in life when we are disappointed in ourselves and begin to doubt our abilities. Infrequently, in couples, one of the partners may experience imposter syndrome in romantic relationships. This is a psychological attitude that a person imposes on themself. In this way, they begin to doubt the partner’s feelings for them, close and think that they are not good enough or unworthy of love. All these are just negative beliefs that exist nowhere except in the thoughts of a person. By applying efforts to oneself, it is possible to overcome this syndrome. We hope our methods will help you do this.
With over a decade of experience in the dating industry, Hannah has helped thousands of people find their perfect match. Her passion for helping others and her deep understanding of human relationships has made Hannah one of the most sought-after dating experts in the industry.
Hannah has a degree in Psychology and has studied various theories on human behavior, which she uses to guide her clients through their dating journey. She has worked with people from all walks of life and has a keen eye for identifying what makes each person unique.
