emotional safety

Good relationships are not only living together as a couple, flowers, and words of love. First of all, it is harmony. And harmony is born only in terms of emotional safety. We can say that emotional safety for a couple is the key to a harmonious and happy relationship. 

So what is emotional safety in relationships? In simple words, it is a feeling of peace of mind and calmness that both partners should have. While emotional safety is not life-threatening, it is just as important as physical safety. Relationships where emotional safety is unstable become toxic very quickly and tend to fall apart within the first year. In this article, we will discuss why this happens and how to avoid it.

Why Emotional Safety is Important?

In a healthy relationship, there is a bond between partners. It forms the basis of emotional intimacy and those feelings of love, which is the main factor in preserving a long-lasting relationship. It is no secret that after a marriage proposal, over time this feeling of love fades, and the relationship becomes sluggish, boring, and uninteresting. 

In such a case, the romantic relationship at best becomes an ordinary friendship, devoid of the inner connection between partners. Sometimes, over time, partners begin to irritate each other, which can even lead to aggression. 

Why does this happen? 

  • Domestic problems;
  • Moral pressure;
  • Lack of romantic events and attention;
  • Lack of mutual respect;
  • Unwillingness to make concessions to each other.

In fact, a couple’s relationship is a constant work in progress. It is a work on yourself and preserving the connection. No relationship by itself can exist indefinitely, because the feeling of love, which we experience at the beginning of the relationship, unfortunately, is not eternal and gradually fades. 

The duration of the feeling of love depends on the physiological and biochemical characteristics of the person, but unfortunately, over time, the feeling will definitely fade. However, this does not mean that all relationships have no future. As we mentioned earlier, the foundation for a relationship is the internal mental bond between partners. And the feeling of love is just the fuel on which the relationship begins to grow. 

So what does emotional security have to do with it? The fact is that relationships are filled with many processes that affect our emotional state on a daily basis. That’s why emotional safety in marriage plays a critical role in maintaining a quality relationship. And this is the part of the relationship that both partners need to constantly pay special attention to. After all, it is the emotional safety of each partner that forms harmony in the relationship, even if love has disappeared.

emotional safety definition

How to Create Emotional Safety in a Relationship?

Any relationship in a couple is an ongoing process of maintaining internal connections and finding compromises. This is a really difficult and resource-intensive task. That is why it is very important to maintain emotional safety at all times. 

No two people are alike, so the relationship is a continuous dialogue, discussing important life issues and personal experiences. Partners need to constantly agree and look for possible compromises in the most diverse and unexpected issues. Each person undoubtedly has certain boundaries of personal space and a partner should not violate these boundaries. We can mention a variety of things, such as

  • Sexual preferences;
  • Dietary preferences;
  • Biorhythms of sleep and daily routines;
  • The need for time alone;
  • Spending time together; 
  • Communication format, etc.

All of these and similar issues require a constant dialogue with one primary goal: to reach mutual understanding and compromise in the daily building and development of relationships. The extent to which partners fully and timely discuss common issues, find compromises, and agree on personal boundaries will shape their peace of mind and sense of emotional safety. 

Otherwise, the partners will lose emotional intimacy. The most effective way to form emotional safety is to maintain peace of mind through continuous dialogue between partners and finding acceptable compromises. Only then you will feel safe – when you and your partner are predictable and you are confident that your personal boundaries will not be violated.

psychological safety vs emotional safety

Lack of Emotional Safety – Consequences

A connection without emotional safety is just an attachment. Many couples, starting a relationship, care only about feelings, forgetting that it is necessary to make an effort to develop a harmonious relationship. Such connection lasts for a short time: until the feeling of love fades. After that, the relationship will either fall apart or become toxic and impatient. Taking care of emotional safety in families is the key to a long-lasting healthy relationship. 

If not enough time and internal resources are devoted to providing emotional connection and emotional safety, then each partner will cease to feel safe in the relationship and the partners will eventually move away from each other emotionally. In this case, partners will distrust each other and the constant expectation of some kind of betrayal. Mind, this is a direct route to such destructive attributes of an unhealthy relationship as:

  1. Aggression and abuse
  2. Treason
  3. Recriminations and accusations
  4. Humiliation, etc.

The surest way to avoid the troubles listed above is systematic dialogue, defining boundaries and personal space, and discussing plans for the future. If not enough time is given to this, a healthy relationship will soon bring dissatisfaction to the couple. This will be followed by rejection of the emotional connection and a painful breakup.  Or, the continuation of a destructive relationship, in case there is a dependence of the partners on each other. 

We’re talking about financial dependence, joint children, housing, business, etc. Then the partners will have to put up with each other, and this can eventually lead to serious health problems, both mental and physical. 

emotional safety examples

Creating Emotional Safety: Summing – up

Emotional safety in a relationship is one of the pillars of trust. It is a factor that affects the emotional well-being of both partners, and accordingly, the quality and longevity of the relationship. That’s why rebuilding emotional safety is crucial. However, when the relationship remains strained for too long and the above tips do not work, the only true alternative is to visit a family psychotherapist, who will study the case in detail and give the right piece of advice on building emotional safety for both partners.

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